Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
