shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
