Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
