..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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