im drinking this country out of the recession.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
