Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
