Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
