Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
