weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
