I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
