they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
