see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
