I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
