i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
