Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
