1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
