Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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