do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
