I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
as a side note pls kill me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
