I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
