I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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