I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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