What did we do last night that was yellow?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
