I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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