Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
