He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
