just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
