took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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