my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
