me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
