i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
