if you like me you must not know who I am
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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