I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
