In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
