Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like eating out sand paper
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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