where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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