a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
