Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
vagina is talking i cant
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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