Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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