I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
