The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
