the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry about my life...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
