How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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