SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
