ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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