My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
