In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
