You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
