i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
