NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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