Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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